Re-centering Our Lives as a Good Human and Good American
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The Five Great Behaviors
These are remarkable times, unknown to us before March of this year. The Covid 19 virus has changed our world and our daily lives. It is proving to be a challenge in so many different ways. We are also in an election year, and the political divide is sadly wider than ever and the meaness of our discourse has reached a new high, or perhaps more accurately, a new low. Even before Covid 19, the past couple years have felt like the soul of America has been ill. We have been so divided with too much meanness and bitterness. We have been more self-absorbed. We have been more selfish. We gave up our status as leader of the free world, withdrawing into ourselves. American no longer seems exceptional. The world’s direction appears to be toward future turmoil, and not progress and peace. All of these circumstances have weighed heavy on us, affecting our mental and spiritual health, indeed, even our physical health. It is easy these days to get depressed, feel overwhelmed and be filled with anxiety about the future. We can feel adrift without a compass or rudder.
It would be good to re-center ourselves and that is what this essay seeks to do. In undertaking that endeavor, below are some re-centering thoughts. But before we begin, please stop. Take a deep, slow and calming breath. You may want to take another slow, deep breath. With those first centering step taken, lets look deeper at what it means to be a Good Human and a Good American in these difficult times.
What does it mean to be a good human being and a good American? What are the behaviors that are essential for us to be good, especially in times like these. While such a discussion could go on endlessly and there are many good ideas to be expounded upon, here is my distillation, what I call “The Five Great Behaviors.” Those behaviors are: Kindness, Fairness, Honesty, Optimism and Thought.
The first and most important of the behaviors is kindness. Kindness improves nearly all human interactions. We all feel better when someone is kind to us. We also enjoy a wonderful, fulfillling feeling when we are kind to others. It is truly a “win-win” behavior. Kindness is the lubricant that makes human interactions flow. Kindness is a calming balm to those angry and upset. It is a great solace to those who are unhappy, grieving or feeling defeated. “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see,” as expressed by Mark Twain. Kindness fills us with a sense of joy and optimism about our lives and about those with whom we come in contact. Our default behavior should be kindness. It is the greatest of all human behaviors.
The second great behavior is fairness. The meaning of fairness can have different connotations pending upon the situation. It essentially means treating each other impartially and appropriately under the circumstances, without favoritism or discrimination. If hiring one for a job, for example, we should choose the candidate most qualified and able. If punishing students for cheating on a test, the treatment should be similar for all involved and proportionate and reasonable. We should not choose to deny or grant some benefit because of some false, morally unsupportable classification or exclusion. When one speaks about you and how you treat others, the desired opinion should be that he or she always gives a fair shake providing reasonable and equal treatment to everyone. Such fair treatment will minimize bitterness and resentment and will go far in achieving the best outcomes. Being fair in how we treat people will maximize outcomes. People will be given the opportunity to perform and achieve. A society that offers fairness to all its people will be honored and supported and thereby be stable and prosperous. Fairness is an aspect of being kind. One cannot be kind to another person and treat that person unfairly.
Honesty is, perhaps, a self-evident best behavior. We should not lie, cheat or steal. By being honest to one another we can then trust one another. We can also make decisions based upon facts and reality which means, of course, we are in a much better position to make the best decision possible. A group or society can only function effectively if its members conduct themselves with honesty. We all must follow the rules of society and good human behavior. In ill-gotten gain secured by cheating is corrupting. It also is a form of stealing. Cheating corrupts not only the person involved but also the society in which the person lives. Corrupt countries fail. Corrupt people ultimately fail and cause great harm to others. Like fairness, honesty is also an aspect of being kind. It is inconsistent with being kind to another to simultaneously cheat or deceive them.
The fourth great behavior is optimism. To live life happily and successfully, one must believe that good outcomes will be achieved. The belief that, come what may, we will be alright, that we will successful if we try and persevere is essential. The belief in the inherent goodness of humanity leads us to view human interactions in a positive light. For those of us who believe in a beneficent higher being, faith is another aspect to optimism. The belief in the goodness and joy that comes from human interactions and in the meaning that comes from a life well lived provides purpose and motivation. Recent psychological studies have shown that “happy people” follow certain patterns or habits of thought and behavior. One of those habits is optimism. They view the world as a good place. They view people as being essentially good. They see themselves and foresee themselves as being successful and happy. It typically proves to be a self-fulling prophesy as they lead their lives, make decisions and takes actions which lead, at least eventually, to happiness and success.
The fifth and last great behavior is thought, in other words, thinking. Our brain is the greatest instrument or machine to be found in the known universe. Because of it we have subdued our planet and now reach out to space. Our brain weighs only 3 pounds and is 75 to 80% water. But those less than impressive facts give way to the estimated 86 billion nerve cells making up the brain. One cubic millimeter of the cortex, about the size of a grain of sand, has the estimated capacity to hold 2000 terabytes of information, enough to store all the movies ever made, trailers included or about 1.2 billion copies of a typical sized book. With this remarkable instrument we are able to perceive, evaluate and learn and adapt. We can communicate abstract thoughts to others and write them down to preserve and further disseminate them. We can live in large, complex group settings and engage in specialization of work allowing us perfect and make more efficient the completion of tasks. Each of us has this incredible tool at our disposal. It is for us to use it. We need to learn the facts and understand our life situations. We need to think and reflect, to analyze and experiment so we can find solutions and make decisions that work and are good and wise. We must not accept falsehoods as truths or a defective theory as gospel. We also need to recognize how our brain works. As discussed by Daniel Kahneman in Thinking Fast and Slow, a book we should all read, our brain has two ways of thinking: System 1 which makes instant reactions and decisions – like instinctual reactions with little effort; and System 2 which performs complex thought and computations – in other words, intentional thought requiring greater effort. System 1 thinking is essential, for example, for quick reaction to danger or dealing with repetitive conduct to minimize brain workload, but it can lead to mistaken responses when our perception is not consistent with reality. We must act with a degree of healthy skepticism, requiring proof and repeatable outcomes, before we agree to a course of conduct or adopt a philosophy or school of thought. We must engage in System 2 thinking employing reason, analysis and deduction when dealing with the bigger decisions of the everyday and life overall. And we can take confidence that once we have the facts, analyze them and test proposed solutions, we can make decisions and choose paths that make our lives, and the lives of others, better. And we can identify, admit to and learn from our mistakes to further adapt and improve. In sum, if we think, indeed think for ourselves, we can make the world a better place.
One might ask, “What about love?” Love is the feeling and sentiment that underlies Of Five Great Behaviors - Kindness, fairness, honesty and optimism - are all acts stemming from a love of our fellow man and a love of life. Love gives meaning to life. The love that we have for family and friends provides true joy. The love that we have for our work, for our play is what drives and powers our human existence.
One might scoff at The Five Great Behaviors saying they are too simplistic or that they reveal a naïveté about what life is really like. Are they too simplistic? No. Certainly, there are other feelings and aspects to living, such as sorrow, anger and even rage, and others such as contentment and ambition. We all face different situations in life that lead to diverse feelings. Indeed, it can actually be a positive to experience sadness and anger in dealing with the challenges of life. Sometimes, for example, we need to get angry at a situation as it serves as a spark to action or we may need to grieve to make it through the feelings of loss from the death of a loved one. A sense of satisfaction or contentment can we well-earned or it could lead to sloth and complacency. Blind ambition can lead to the loss of relationships and one’s morals, while a lack of ambition can lead to an unfulfilled life. Following the Five Great Behaviors - kindness, fairness, honesty, optimism and thought - will serve as the engines which move us forward regardless of the circumstances we face. They can serve as the guideposts to direct our thoughts, decision making and action.
Is it naïve to think that following The Five Great Behaviors will get us through the perils of life. No. There are certainly terrible circumstances that one might face that require difficult responses. During these Covid times, we have watched more movies than any time in our lives, and we’ve binged watching WWII based movies. That led to my reading a comprehensive WWII history written by Antony Beevor. The death and brutality of the war was incredible. Apart from the horror of the Nazi’s Final Solution for the Jewish population, they also had the Hunger Plan which was to seize food from the Soviet Union and give it to German soldiers and civilians and thereby starve to death millions of Slavs following Operation Barbarossa, the 1941 invasion of the Soviet Union. The Japanese invaded Nanking, the capital city of Nationalist China, with atrocities beginning in late 1937. As many as 300,000 Chinese civilian lives were lost, and as many as 80,000 female Chinese were made “comfort women” forced to have relations with Japanese soldiers. The war was necessary to stop the evil of Nazism and the atrocities of Imperial Japan. But that does not mean that we, in fighting such opposition, should lose our humanity - that we should disregard our ethics and standards for what it means to be a good human. We treat the captured enemy appropriately and seek to redeem and redirect those who were defeated, as we did with the Marshall Plan in rebuilding Europe after the war, both materially and by putting in place democratic values and institutions. By that effort, we Good Americans transferred over $12 billion (equivalent to over $129 billion as of 2020) in economic recovery programs to Western European and by a similar effort we provided grants and credits amounting to $5.9 billion to Asian countries, including Japan and China. We did so as acts of kindness, to prevent the spread of Communism and to avoid the instability that led to rise of Hitler after WW I, when burdensome reparations and restrictions were placed on Germany resulting in a failed economy, hyper inflation, unemployment and even hunger. The conditions were thus put in place for dictatorial leader to take control promising to make Germany great again. In our daily life we may encounter people who are not kind, fair or honest, and some who maybe driven by hate. We must deal with them as is best and appropriate, confronting them as necessary to bring an end to such conduct. In doing so, however, we can and should be guided by The Five Great Behaviors. Even in difficult, indeed sometimes perilous, circumstances, one can find a sense of meaning and guidance from being kind, fair, honest, optimistic and thinking about how to best resolve the situation.
So as we continue to face the challenges of the Covid-19 virus, as we go through the upcoming election and as we deal with an America that no longer seems exceptional, let us be Kind, Fair, Honest, Optimistic and Thoughtful. Let us be guided in our conduct in fighting the virus, adapting to the challenge and caring for each other. Let us also discuss with one another our views and hopes for America and vote for candidates based upon the values of kindness, fairness, honesty, optimism, and thoughtful action. And where we confront candidates and people who are not kind, who are not fair, who are not honest and who do not think for themselves but parrot some false, partisan trope lets challenge them to change or let us confront, as necessary, to ensure kindness, truth and justice prevails. Finally, and at risk of being redundant, let each of us decide and commit to live our lives, and to do so each and every day, by the tenets of :
Kindness,
Fairness,
Honesty,
Optimism and
Thought.
That is what it means to be a Good Human and a Good American.
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